Hanging in There

The past seven days have been kind of emotional for all sorts of reasons. There's been a lot of different thoughts consuming my mind that even last night I had a horrible nightmare (Joe later told me I told him that someone was breaking in the house and was trying to sexually assault me!) and he instantly prayed for me. Nothing that tragic has happened, didn't want to make anyone wonder! :) 

I did want to blog about an old friend trying to come back into my life. My ex-best friend of five years has been out of my life now for three years. As life turns out, we share one mutual friend who happens to be getting married in three weeks. We are both attending. It would be our first encounter knowingly. Throughout the years I've ran into her a handful of times but never did we converse. In fact, I avoided her. There was a lot of pain there and a lot of anger, but God has helped me forgive her. So a week or so ago, she texted me asking me to attend the wedding with her. Wth? What does that mean? After a brief conversation, I did agree to meet with her one-on-one for some closure and she wanted to ask my forgiveness. I felt God preparing me for this meeting for months now. We were going to meet Thursday last week. Thursday morning she canceled. I really wasn't surprised, but I was bothered nonetheless. So that's one big reason why I've been out-of-sorts, I think.

Being a mom of an almost two-year-old is surreal! On one hand I'm excited and planning her party, on the other hand I'm reminded that I don't have another child yet, nor am I pregnant. Since my miscarriage in January, I wasn't ready to try again till summer. With everyone getting pregnant, it's made me think about it more. But it's still scary at the same time, too. I have adjusted to life so well with one child and I don't want to shake things up! I love our routine and how well-adapted Brenna is in every situation. She's a perfect sleeper and eater. She can get herself in her own car seat and is a great communicator. Will I have the time to do so many things with the next child? Will I even care to? Will it totally overwhelm me like I think it will? Another reason I've been a little emotional.

A lot happened in my childhood (with other children, especially) that will make me extremely overprotective of my kids. Not only will I most likely ban sleepovers, but I have a hard time even letting Brenna play with another child in a separate room from where I am. I don't trust kids' curiosity, whether they're related or not. After grieving the fact that I felt so unprotected as a child, I shared with my mom what I think is most important as a parent: Teach your children to self-protect! I wish I had known. I wish I had learned. I wish I knew what to do/say, etc. Talk to your kids at a young age about what is appropriate and what isn't when it comes to touching. It's a MUST. You cannot afford to ignore this aspect of parenting. Just ask me. 

Okay, so enough of the serious stuff! But that's what blogging is for, I guess. There's times to be real and there's times for silliness. I know that God is going to give me peace, strength and healing as I seek him and allow him to comfort me. For so long I ignored topics, even with myself. It's worth it to me to deal with things now so Brenna has a better chance, a better example, and a better parent.